Being OK with letting go: My experience of coffee enemas
I find it a time to tune deeply inwards. Enemas aren’t a time for disconnecting, or getting into your head. I hated the colonic experience I had where the woman kept chatting to me, probably to make me feel more comfortable.
I find enemas are an important time to listen to the bodies sounds and sensations. We rarely get the feel our internal landscape and it’s so subtle, its easy to miss it and over-ride those quiet signals whilst living in an over-stimulating world of noise and distraction.
As it was my first enema in a while it took a while to take all the liquid in. I breathed through any moments of tightness or slight discomfort. Hearing the usual head fear of ‘Am I going to shit myself’ which never happens but it’s still there. We can head into panic so just breath, breath, breath.
I was talking to my body telling it that it was safe to let go and release.
If I went into my head and started thinking about the coffee dripping from bag onto the bath, or if I was staining the towel, or how much coffee was left I noticed a tension in my body, mostly my belly. I just needed to drop those thoughts and stay with breathing and relaxing. I could feel popping and releases in the gut and some slight discomfort as ‘stuff’ was being moved.
I didn’t time it whereas I usually do for 15 mins. But it was taking some time for the bag to empty and this isn’t a goal orientated exercise, so I just dropped that and was kind to myself. I just put on some music. But I knew when it was time, my body told me and by checking the playlist it had been 15 mins exactly.
I then stood up in the bath and gave myself a little belly massage, something I’d never done before. Helping the coffee work through me, before ‘releasing’ down the loo. I use the term releasing but it’s misleading as suggests I’m having to hold. I never have to hold, I’ve never had any explosions or accidents. Most spillage comes from coffee leaking from the enema bag, not my arse.
Then tidied up the bath and towels and pottered about allowing the remainder to move through my system visiting the loo another 2-3 times over the next half hour-ish.
Now feeling deeply clean, inside and out.
Infact, I hadn’t brush my teeth yet that morning because I had just juiced and to save tooth enamel you’re meant to leave it half hour before brushing.
But as soon as I’d had the enema I desperately needed to brush, I could feel the yuk in my mouth. Like it was the last place that wasn’t clean in me.
Interesting as colon and mouth are the polar ends of the same tube!!!
I’m always so surprised about the shame around bums and poo and ‘letting go’. It’s seen as the biggest shame in society, to lose control of our natural physical responses and bodily functions. One of the biggest lessons in enemas is around being ok to let go. When the fear or tension comes that says ‘I’m going to shit myself’ do the opposite of what comes naturally, breath and let go further.